...and peanut butter goes surprisingly well with thinly sliced bananas. But, let's not get ahead of ourselves here, hmmm?
Much like the Zurn Zums (or whatever they're called) are humanity's
greatest threat after global warming, Barrack Obama, zombies and those
little, hairy bugs which nobody knows the name of, so are the Zarzoops
an imminent danger in the path of man's pursuit for idiocy, happiness
and parmesan cheese.
The Zarzoops would gladly overthrow humanity. They would gladly use us
as slaves for amusement, making us fight amongst ourselves as
gladiators or sicking their Tummy Wum* pets on us... Fortunately for
mankind and chipmunks alike, the Zarzoops are the Zurn Zums sworn
enemies. Thus we must make an allegience with them, and it must be
strong, and it must not smell like poo.
Now, you might cowardly ponder to yourselves while shivvering, hidden
in a dark, wet corner, how the FUCK are we suppose to trust those
motherfuckers? My answer is...to read to subject title once again and
then continue reading two paragraphs down. Right about now...
This paragraph is totally irrelevant. It is redundant to read this at
all. In fact, it was a waste of time even spending the precious energy
to type it. I am an imbecile for writing it, and you are a bigger one
if you have just read it...
Now do you see? Yes, the Zarzoops are our enemies too, but humanity
cannot afford a war of intergalactic proportions raging over the heads
of Earth's citizens. Our cities and ways of life would be destroyed.
And what if they started throwing poo at each other? Some unlucky
bystander is liable to get in the way. Oh, how I pity that unlucky
bystander that is to be smothered in poo. Little does he know that
being covered in extra-terrestial poo is like taking a bath in acid!!!
I say we embrace our enemy's enemy, making him our temporarily friendly
friend, all the while plotting their downfall behind their backs.We can
do it, after all, treachery is one of humanity's most developed
instincts. If a human doesn't know how to stab someone in the back,
then we are all doomed and should retire to the nearest couch and await
our pooey fate...
Survival is up to you. Sure the Zarzoops will have weapons of
submission and utterly devastating, mass destruction of the purple,
screaming hyperbole laser type. Sure they will throw at us copious
amounts of cough drops. Oh, how we should fear those cough drops...we
should tremor at the very thought. But, we can overcome, goddamnit! We
invented toast bread and push-up bras. I'm sure we can kill some stupid
aliens.
Your future leader
Viva la resistance!!
*Tummy
Wums are to the Zarzoops what a really mean dog is to a human, but far
more dangerous and unforgiving. Imagine breeding a tiger boxer with a
pitbull and getting specimen A, a doberman with a rotweiler and getting
specimen B, then breeding specimen A with specimen B to get specimen C.
Then imagine taking specimen C and breeding it with a fourth breed,
specimen D (specimen D being a mix of pure-blood German sheperd with
Cerberos, the three headed dog of Hades). Now imagine the final result
and then take into consideration that a small Tummy Wum is about the
size of an elephant. Oh, and it has three heads...
